Simple and Easy Mindfulness Techniques
- By Renee Balcom
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- 11 Dec, 2016
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In this blog, I want to provide you with a few techniques that you can start practicing. Many people, including myself at first, have this notion that practicing mindfulness is somehow complicated or laborious. The opposite is true! These techniques are straight forward, simple and intended to help us "BE", in the present moment. When we allow this, a mini vacation ensues, whether it be for 5 seconds or 5 minutes.
First, rules #1, #2 and #3: BE KIND AND GENTLE TO YOURSELF. It is impossible to do these, or any mindful technique wrong. Whatever degree you practice, it is ALWAYS good enough.
1) FOCUS OUT - This is one you can do even while driving!
This techniques focuses on the external:
Touch - Sight - Sound - Scent
Choose one external sense and intently focus on it for a few seconds. Say it out loud as doing so adds to grounding and centering. If your attention is on more than one, pick one for a few seconds. Touch includes smell and taste. You are only using these labels. You are not labeling what you see, hear, smell or touch. As an example, I hear the sound of a crow, I say "sound". I feel a bump in the road, I say "touch". This is an excellent exercise for people who have been traumatized and find it difficult to tolerate internal experiences.
2) MINDFUL BREATHING
We can't "forget" to breathe but how often do we breathe consciously? When we take a few moments to become aware of our breathing, make it slower and deeper and feel it inside our body, we activate relaxation. There a many ways to engage in mindful breathing and you can even create your own exercise. This is how I do it:
I put one hand on my chest and one hand on my abdomen, over my belly button. Adjust which hand is where, depending on how natural and comfortable if feels. Inhale to a 4-second count, breathing deep into your diaphragm, pause, exhale to a 5-second count, pause and repeat. Count 10 of these slow, deep, conscious breaths and notice how your body relaxes.
3) WALKING MEDITATION
There are also many ways to do a walking meditation. Here is one I invented:
You will be repeating the words, "I am here. It is now." Take one step, say, "I am here." With the next step say, "It is now." Walk slowly, with relaxed breathing. Even doing this a minute or two around your house brings us back to the present and provides a brief respite from your busy day.
There are countless mindfulness activities and exercises. You can certainly create your own. Again the only "rule" is to be kind to yourself. So, if you find your mind wandering, gently and non-judgmentally, bring yourself back into the present moment, knowing that in that moment, you have arrived once again.
I recently watched on You Tube a Britain's Got Talent audition. The male vocalist brought tears to the judges and I'm sure to most of the audience. It was very touching and tears were so fitting. As the judges were speaking to the contestant, they kept saying, "I'm sorry" as they wiped away their tears. And the contestant did as well.
It reminded me of just how often we feel a need to apologize for crying - for outwardly, honestly and trustingly sharing our sadness, grief, etc. So why is this?
Most of us, from a very young age, are given explicit or implicit messages such as: Be strong; boys (especially) don't cry; crying makes others uncomfortable; I will loose control if I cry; I can't be vulnerable. All these distorted beliefs lead to the final: I won't allow myself to go there.
I know people who allow the tears to flow and I can say that I am genuinely comfortable with just allowing whatever comes up to be. (Good thing considering what I do for a living). I admire and respect them beyond words. So, here is my confession: I am not so free in letting MY tears fall. I have allowed myself to believe in some of the falsehoods about letting our sadness, or being touched by something, to be expressed. Yes, I do tear up watching movies, hearing and sharing my clients’ pain. I even tear up, rather frequently, seeing beautiful things unfold in nature. Not Kleenex worthy though.
When it comes to the sobbing type of crying, I won't go there, even when that which I am processing would be acknowledged and honored in so doing. For me, it goes back to the big "T"....Trust...Trust that I will not forever be feeling bereft, broken, and helpless and essentially, a total mess with no ability to reclaim balance, and at least, a measure of peace.
I know where this false belief comes from. That is an intellectual insight and good to know. Also what is intellectually helpful is that I have been that total "mess" many times in my life and then all became well. But intellect is not enough. It goes back to those same themes:
~Self acceptance
~Self compassion
~Self forgiveness
~Self love
What would it feel like to embody and embrace these concepts even 50% of the time? Can you imagine the freedom we would experience in our lives? We could laugh, cry, express (safely), be still, and be in the moment, give, receive, giggle, cuddle, smile, frown and, well just BE.
What a concept, a wonderful, beautiful concept.
I say “recovering” because it has definitely been an ongoing journey. And I can say definitively my recovery is going very well.
So, what is it that I am “recovering” from? The need to be in control of everything, even obviously insignificant things. Makes me sound crazy and believe me, it was/is crazy-making! Not only did I annoy those around me, I was annoyed at myself. At times I came across as bossy, irritable, ungrateful and unnecessarily opinionated (or all of the above concurrently). What I experienced consistently was internal unrest and agitation, emotionally, mentally and even physically.
Over the years of studying about attachment challenges, neuroscience and the Enneagram, I have learned about what drives this need to be in control. The answer is simple: Fear...Fear of the unknown; of not being good enough; of not being able to “fix” it; of feeling difficult emotions; of loss of any kind. And for me, the most powerful contributor to my fear was non acceptance of what is.
Working with my close friend and co-founder of Warrior’s Soul Inc., Dawn Batti (and of course the wise equines), I began to learn about SELF acceptance. This was such a foreign concept to me. As I began to actually internalize and live this concept, my drive to be in control began to wane.
What does self-acceptance have to with not needing to be control? Here, the answer is not so simple. But this is what I have come up with that works for me: When I can accept me, ALL of me, I can move that acceptance into what is going on around me. That translates into not needing to change, for example, what others are doing and how they are doing it or trying to change how they are thinking and realizing there are other ways to get things done other than my way. ALLOWING is the key.
Trust of course plays a huge role in relinquishing fear and the need for the temporary fix of “control”. I am thankful to be in my mid 60’s because age invites one to be mindful and contemplative. And what I have chosen to invite into my life is the concept of TRUST. Trust of myself, of others and of Spirit.
I will be writing more about this notion of trust. It’s a complex issue on many levels for all of us humans. And it is a theme that keeps showing up in my life.
